Ugly Renaissance Babies

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Alright, I’m not saying that this baby is going down on a goat, but I’m not NOT saying it, either.

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Listen, Rembrandt, I love you and all, but uh… that hand, man. That hand. 

Master of Light and Shadow, sure. Master of Anatomy? Fuck no.

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

And lo, the God Child did turn his gaze upward, his neck craning, turning, rotating – the sound of dry twigs snapping, leathery skin pulled taunt around an unnatural, boney fulcrum — one rotation, two, three. A wheezing, short breath. Then nothing. 

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Is Jesus Christ gonna have to choke a bitch? 

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Quaiddddd… Start the reactorrrrr…

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

wow. such christ. very paint. awesom. 

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

That moment when you realize the baby swaddled next to you has most definitely pooped himself. We’ve all been there. 

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

The title fight at UFC 200 B.C.E. was epic, guys. 

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Whoa there, Mary, you might want to stick that Christ Cake back in the proverbial oven. I don’t think he’s quite finished yet.

[Ugly Renaissance Babies]

Dear tiny Jesus in your golden-fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled-up fists pawing at the air…